Modem to Modem: Language of the Heart
The Web Committee is pleased to welcome Brad S. as our guest blogger for April!
“In any meeting, anywhere, A.A.’s share experience, strength, and hope with each other, in order to stay sober and help other alcoholics. Modem-to-modem or face-to-face, A.A.’s speak the language of the heart in all its power and simplicity.” Alcoholics Anonymous, Fourth Edition, p. xxiv, Reprinted with permission.
I couldn’t bear the pain of loneliness and despair that I drank myself into, as I sat and stared at my computer screen. It was the first Thanksgiving after my grandma died. I was in an empty house. At least there was beer in the fridge. Every day, I would tell myself that I wasn’t going to drink any more. I couldn’t get myself to throw alcohol away, so I tried several hiding places. Truthfully, my hiding places did nothing to slow me down or to make me stop. So my new routine was to take a few drinks whenever I could and then beat myself up for the rest of the day. Then I would check the blogs.
I read my first blog four or five years ago. It was the journal of a man who found sobriety through Alcoholics Anonymous. His name is Dan. I found other sober blogs, too. Other people who were staying sober through A.A. were writing journals of their lives, and they would leave comments on each others’ blogs. Blog posts that were celebratory were met with comments like: “Congrats!” or “Keep coming back! It works!” Blog posts that were more disturbing were met with comments like “I’m praying for you, buddy,” or “Have you talked to your sponsor about all of this? It might be a good idea! Hang in there!” I started my own blog and was a regular poster by the time Thanksgiving hit. When I started blogging, I never knew that some day I was going to go back to drinking. By November, 2005, I convinced myself that I ran out of all options. I was tired of going back to A.A. meetings. I gave myself every excuse for not going back to the meetings. I wrote an honest email to Dan explaining that it was just too painful for me to ever go to another meeting again.
Dan got my email, and quickly sent a reply that simply said, “Go to that meeting. They will accept you.” For whatever reason, I put all my excuses to the side, and took Dan’s advice. I went to my first meeting in a long time. My own sobbing and tears prevented me from putting together very many words. The room was filled with love and they all welcomed me back. Even though it took another month for me to stop drinking, I was on the right path again. I found a sponsor, started working the steps, and got involved with service work. Specifically, I have been given the TREMENDOUS honor of working on a committee to create and maintain the Sioux Falls A.A. website! This month, our website celebrates it’s second birthday! THANK GOD that Dan reached out to me through a short email when he did. He made it possible for me to take the necessary step out of my house and into an A.A. meeting. I pray that the web committee will continue to make that kind of moment possible for many more people to come.
Brad S.